post script: perth - august 30, 2006

i have a heartening message from my travelling guru in vancouver, rod (on the verge of his own departure for asia on september 16), and a perfectly glorious meal with extraordinary people tonight at the Subiaco Hotel (server Stephen from vancouver!) to thank for this last, fumbling effusion from australia, none of which will surprise anyone.

my mind wants to continually drag me into a place where i'm not prepared, not ready, uncertain, off balance, doing it wrong, blah blah blah. i'm doing it and it's really happening and whatever happens, i'm making it so and that's pretty fucking cool. there's excitement in that, though it's not the kind of excitement that people seem to be looking for when they ask, as they inevitably do: "so, are you excited?" i hate that question because i feel compelled to conventionalize my response, to package it up and merchandise it for better consumption. it makes me feel like a social commodity.

i can't put this experience into a nice box for the rest of the world that makes sense and makes everyone else feel comfortable. it makes writing these posts excruciating because the same part of me that wants me to believe i'm screwing it up (for a host of convenient, drop-down menu reasons) is the same part of me that wants the rest of the world to believe that this is all fun. it's not. it's fucking scary. it's the scariest thing i've ever done while mired in the muck of being a body. but it is certainly an adventure and, in rod's words, i feel calm and ready, despite any impression left by my ongoing fulminations.

i'm sated with food and good humour and the acceptance of my blessings and my shocking insanity.

so, like, i'll catch y'all in kathmandu (sorry....couldn't resist)

in the meantime, my favourite photo so far: some majestically twisted graffiti on a mysterious, abandoned building at the entrance to Noosa National Park in Queensland. and just to prove that i was there, the inimitable Sydney Opera House.