bouddha, nepal - september 4, 2006

just a quick update: my mind would like me to believe that i'm running on pure adrenaline, but as of this moment, after a frank and productive planning meeting with scott over nepali massala tea, fruit and yoghurt and a yummy piece of apple pie at Cafe New Orleans in Bouddhanath, i say "oh, bollocks!" i'm so energized right now, especially after my first hair-raisingly scary "special [or "extra"] class yesterday afternoon--i.e. one in which i was expected to be the teacher. i wanted the children to draw pictures of themselves, but none of them liked that idea, so they drew, coloured, painted whatever they wanted and it was pure, unfiltered chaos. fortunately, one of the didis was there to help me. i was completely unprepared (note to self....). but it can't be any worse than that. i ended up doing two in a row. i'm learning how to make flowers out of tiny pieces of paper. i'll do it again this afternoon, but scott and i are sharing the later class and will bring out cricket bats that he picked up the other day. we'll let them hit balls and chase them (see previous post re aussie rules football...)

gurilla has written recently about feeling untouched by death or illness. i think i might have agreed with him before this moment, but this place defies that belief for me. life and death and illness and beauty and truth are so immediate here. i've already been scammed by a beautiful young hindu woman with a 3 month old baby and almost flawless english wanting powdered milk. i could have backed out once i realized what was going on, but accepted it as part of the journey to know what it really felt like to let go of the judgments as they arose (of her, her lurking "pimp", the cashier in the store where i purchased the milk, and, of course, me). the limping, undernourished dogs, the toothless beggars, the women bearing impossible burdens of twigs, vegetation of all kinds and even baskets of sand, all strapped from their foreheads all participate in an insanely beautiful dance with everything that is magic here--magic that i'm perfectly incapable of giving form to in words. everyone is full of smiles and namastes and what is your name and where are you from and it just blossoms everywhere. even the untreated wastewater and rubbish everywhere remind me that i'm living right now.

i'm still adjusting and that will take a week or two, but i've already been lost once and found my way to where i wanted to go. and in that respect, please walk through whichever door suits you.

namaste